Manipulation ..

Where am I ?!
Am I lost ?!
No , I know this place , Yes I've been here once ; no twice .
why it's hard for me to remember the details ?! ; uhhh I need to remember !!
I remember I was happy here , it's all coming back to me now..
I remember the faces , I remember the smiles , I remember that feeling , the strange feeling , that easily melts ur mind into liquid , ur mind becomes a mess , u have control no more !!
the feeling that manipulates u with ur own well , u have no intention to even try escaping it , u find satisfaction in its sweet manipulation ..
After a while it becomes everything , it becomes whatever u see , whatever u hear , what u work for , what u dream of , it becomes what u live for...
But why am i here again , although I know the pain of withdraw ?!
Wait I know , I've figured it out before , it's the happiness that proves it's no manipulation , it's no mindless act , it's the conclusion of all , the only thing that can't be fake , the wild native feeling that u have absolutely no desire to resist ..

Now I remember why I'm here running back to the flawless feeling .
Yes flawless .....

OR IS IT THAT I'M STILL UNDER CONTROL!!

October 17, 2010 at 2:02am

Death by choice !

Yes I was there , yes i had every thing Idreamed of , yes Ihad found heaven on earth ، yes I had U !

Yet Iwalked out of ur paradise never knowing why , never knowing how did i get so cold ; stone cold

i thougt of millions of reasons till i got lost in the maze of my thoughts , never reached an answer , never had a clue !
it's ur perfection that got me confused , ur flawless self that makes me feel afraid that I might change ur perfection , afraid that I might chnage U ...

it's U that i want forever , but will i get the chance ?!
all i need is to believe in U , that is if u believe in ME !!!

So do u believe in me ?!

And if u do , will u bring me back from death , the death that i have chosen ?!!!!

April 24, 2010 at 12:40am

Cracked...!

Never thought i'll feel like this again , never thought any thing will penetrate the iron curtain that i sheilded my self with , with perfection and attention to every weakness point !  Never thought that iron could be so fragile , so weak , easily cracked leaving me with out protection .. So i started wondering why ?! Only to know that i did all that i could do to prevent any thing from the outside , completely ignoring the inside .... I thought nthn could reach there , but how mistaken was i ! U got there simply like walking through an open door , got there to touch smthn i never knew i had b4 u , making me consider alot more than i ever did , defeating me with my own logic , and let me tell u , NO ONE had ever done that to me ... I ain't regreting , but it's hard , harder than i thought it would be but knowing that's the right thing , knowing that i am protecting the only one i see , makes me feel alot better ! Thank U for craking my curtain , thank U for bringing me back to life !

December 7, 2009 at 1:53am

Strange ...

Strange how can someone that u care for , has such an effect on ur life , how his happiness makes u happy , how his sadness makes u sad ... How can he lighten up the world for u in a matter of few words , that only make the diffrence Bcuz they're his ... How ur heart in his darkest moment only yearns 4 him ... How u feel broken if he was away , how nthn feels the same , only tasteless , ordinary , gloomy ... how u see the beauty , and keep ur self away afraid that u might be unfair to its magnificence ... How u find ur self aimless but only for an ordinary dream , while u had much greater dreams , ones that pushed ur abilities to the limits , yet u were positive that u would do ur best to achieve'm strange how time heals the wounds , life washes the pain , beauty satisfies the heart , how ever there'll be always this part who will remeber .... , for every special person in ur life can never be forgotten , his place will always be the same in ur mind , no matter what happens , no matter what time passes .....

May 13, 2009 at 2:39am

Nights ..

It's nights like this one when i remember , when i miss u the most , when i feel like life worth nthn without u , when i keep wondering do u feel the same , or u forgot about me , although i have moved on with my life , i always feel that emptiness in my heart where u used to fill with ur warm wards and feelings , and i am sure that no one would ever warm my now stone cold heart after u ...
I love u , i wish i could tell u so just once more , hold in my arms and forget about every thing else , will i ever have that chance ??

It's nights like this when u told me i love u , will time ever repeat it self ?!..

A tear is trying to escape my eyes , but i won't let it , i'll stay strong like always , for i have faith , faith that the distance between us , is the best , if not for me it might be 4 u , and believe i wouldn't want any thing but the best of best 4 u , even if might hurt me , Cuz after all that's what's love all about ...

November 27, 2008 at 3:49am

Her !!

I saw her not with my eyes , but with my heart , this moment short as it was meant alot , this moment carried alot ...
Right then when i laid my eyes on her beautiful face , my heart trembled with love , not ordinary love but alove that could give peace 2 the whole world , blood rushed through my pulsating viens to my brain to make me concentrate even more on every single detail of her beauty , eyes , nose , ears , hair , libs and i couldn't believe it , her beauty was beyond imagination , for me it was heaven on earth , for me it was an oasis n the middle of the vast desert , i wished i could reach 4 her n' hold her hands , tell her i love her , but she was too far , too hard 2 reach ...
I got scared ! , will fate drive me away from her ??
My heart screamed noooo but my mind was still clear and he knew that we weren't meant 4 each other and he told me 2 get away , but my eyes disobeyed my mind and kept looking at every single detail , b4 suddenly tears run like a river , for i have known no one that will fill her place in my heart , my ears heared nthn but her name over and over , my heart slowing down just like he's dying . BUT SUDDENLY I FELT TERRIBLE PAIN AND I FOUND MY SELF FLYIN IN THE AIR AS I GOT TOSSED BY A SPEEDING CAR WHICH I DIDN'T SEE AS I GOT DRIFTED AWAY WITH MY THOUGHTS , THEN I HIT THE GROUND AND MY EYES WERE STILL FOCUSED ON HER NOW TERRIFIED FACE , ONLY THEN I FELT THAT THIS WAS A MOMENT WORTH DYING FOR , ONLY THEN I CLOSED MY EYES AND RESTED IN PEACE ...

September 26, 2008 at 5:10am

3ds MAX

 

Software used :

3ds MAX 2009 

Vray Render

PS CS5